Family Life

One of the practices that I remember sharing with our daughters was the practice of the examen. The Ignatian examen invites you to reflect on your day—not to be confused with the examination of conscience—and it gives you the ability to identify feelings that all too often get stuffed after a long day of interacting with classmates or co-workers.

In my younger years (would you believe that I am currently 1o4?), I was very sure of myself about a lot of things that I am not so sure about now. For example, I now believe that the earth is, indeed, round; possesses one moon that is inhabited by only one man with a very small body and a really large head.

My daughter Autumn recently expressed interest in some of the spiritual formation activities I’ve been working with this last year. After some discussion, I agreed to involve her in an exercise of submission. I decided to spend a whole day donating my complete attention to my 10 year-old daughter and 4 year-old son by doing only what they wanted to do in hopes I would learn more about my chronic desire to have my own way. After placing a budget and clarifying just how much candy and travel could be involved, a date was set. As expected, the kids were filled with Disney-like enthusiasm and excitement.

I was the mother of pre-teens, and the five hour drive home from Iowa provided a rare opportunity: being alone. At the time I was over-extended by my own life and by the lives of my daughters. And I was frustrated. We faced bullying phone calls, depression, too much homework, and acne. And then there was the anger. Children get angry. It happens. But I didn’t like it. I couldn’t fix their problems and I did not like being blamed for them. I was angry at myself for not being the patient, gentle mother that I wanted to be.

When I consider the topic of spiritual formation and family life my mind jumps immediately to all the shoulda, woulda, couldas that accompany our family’s attempts at spirituality. We should have done more when they were younger; we would have done it differently if we knew then what we know today; we could have done it more consistently if we simply took the time.

In the Cool of the Morning

No matter what else is happening in your world,

and even when summer afternoons are scorchers,

you can still, like Adam and Eve, sneak out

in the cool of the morning and walk with God.

When Alice and I got married, we (primarily me) had the idea of doing a lot of devotional activities together not only at breakfast but at dinner as well. We were going to spend time in prayer and Scripture together and build lasting spiritual disciplines in our family.