Articles By: Juanita Rasmus

I am a journal keeper.

I’m so grateful that our editor at Conversations invited us to use lectio and listen for God regarding our past year. Frankly, I had never considered the idea.

I recently Googled the trailer from the Julia Roberts movie “Eat, Pray, Love.” Julia’ s character had gone into her bathroom in the middle of the night, shut the door and prayed the only way she knew how. She said prayer was so remote to her that she started to say “Hello God I’m a big fan of your work!” Julia’s character was in pain.

Two weeks ago, I attended the Apprentice Institute held in the booming metropolis of Wichita, Kansas. One of the keynote speakers is a dear friend of mine, Mindy Caliguire. Her presentation was entitled “Hounded by Heaven Living into Personal Transformation”. I got settled into my seat as Mindy began her presentation. She’s a gifted speaker and writer, and I was ready to hear whatever she had to say.

I am on retreat even as I type this. Over the years I have found that I need to pull back from the maddening that is sometimes my life. I have found that retreats have given me an opportunity to schedule time alone to regain my equilibrium. Retreats help me align myself to the presence of God. When I am no longer sensitive to the fact that I’m barking and biting or that my life has again become unmanageable, retreats make space for me to simply “be still and know”.

The time of “really going thru”, feeling isolated from God, from the familiar comforts of life—whether it be a state of contentment or familiarity of a “ normal” routine—the  desert time is often as though you’ve turned off onto a road that you’ve never encountered. Now all the senses are on alert and there are no familiar icons pointing out the right direction. The desert times are often disorienting and can easily stir up, just beneath the skin, anxieties that seem to lie dormant until times like these. These are the times when illusion and reality seem equally illusive.

I am learning that I am probably headed away from God when I am not taking care of my “SELF”. I met with my therapist last week. I’m officially living in the “m” word (menopause!) and I am grateful for her stabilizing influence on this sea of “change”.

I’ve been exercising my creative side and I have been amazed at what my art has been revealing to me about me. Now, I’m not trained in art but I’m involved with The Art Project Houston and we are bringing the power of creativity to the homeless community in our city. So I’m along for the ride!

I have always believed that challenged relationships are usually lessons of some kind. I had a little time and picked up my “O” magazine for a little diversion. This particular issue was devoted to “Inspiring the Best in You”. I leisurely turned pages, having prayed and cried out to God for wisdom. I just couldn’t take the stress of the chaos from my colleague. I turned page after page trying to find refuge in the beautiful colors and shiny trinkets being advertised. Then I turned a page that stopped me dead in my page turning tracks. “May We Help You?” the page asked and it’s subtitle “Dear Me”.

One of the practices that I remember sharing with our daughters was the practice of the examen. The Ignatian examen invites you to reflect on your day—not to be confused with the examination of conscience—and it gives you the ability to identify feelings that all too often get stuffed after a long day of interacting with classmates or co-workers.

I attended a retreat shortly after I had just been diagnosed with cancer in my right kidney. When I asked God what needed healing the most he said, “Let go of your need to control.”