Okay, I’m coming out of the closet on this one: I don’t like retreats.
I don’t like packing up my stuff, going to a retreat center, sleeping in a different bed, and (probably) eating with a bunch of people I don’t know. I’m a little embarrassed about this. Retreats are supposed to be a building block of the contemplative life. Other people have great experiences at retreats. But when I go to a retreat center, I am very distracted by the setting, all the new things around me, as well as the interesting people about me who are trying to do the same thing I am doing. And they all seem to be more successful at retreating than I am.
I do believe in retreats. My life is full of ministry and activity, and I desperately need the quiet that retreats offer. I’ve just had to learn to find that quiet in different ways. My retreats take the form of very quiet mornings – one or two hours alone several times a week. Sometimes my retreats mean withdrawing (at home) for several weeks at a time. I am very, very thankful that I have the freedom to do this.
But with this freedom, comes the responsibility to make it happen. If I get a request to meet with someone in the morning, I find it hard to say, “I’m sorry, I’m going on retreat then.” (I’ve learned to not even try to explain. I just say I’m not available then.) I also find it hard to tell myself that I’m on retreat. (When I stay at home, familiar distractions distract.) And, of course, I do not have the validation that leaving home gives to a retreat. (Now I am on retreat, now I am not.)
Even with the risks, this was of retreating has become a way of life for me. It has been a rite of passage, a milestone on my journey, to accept that I don’t like to leave home to retreat. I am learning that my at-home retreats are a sustaining grace for my soul.
Join the Conversation
How about you? Are you someone who might benefit from admitting that you don’t like retreats?
What might it look like for you to take retreats at home? How can you find the sustaining grace of retreat in a different way?
What kind of permission does Alice’s reflection give you?
 Alice Fryling is a spiritual director and the author of several books, including The Art of Spiritual Listening: Responding to God’s Voice Amid the Noise of Life (WaterBrook Press) and Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction (InterVarsity Press).
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